Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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