Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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