I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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