I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
