i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
