They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
