I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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