So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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