I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
