do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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