this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize