I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
