I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
