After last night, I could never be a politician.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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