the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
