I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
