Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
