Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
