you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
