I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize