Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
