Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize