I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
