I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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