I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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