pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Houston, we have a blender
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
