Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
