girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
