I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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