I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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