I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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