It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
