Pants 0. Shit 1.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
