How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
