I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Vodka?
Forever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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