if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
