I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize