did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize