new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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