he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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