My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just pee around me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
