are you still at the devil's house?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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