apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
