that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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