hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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