You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
