dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
