He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
