I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize