I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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