the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
