maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
