the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
