you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize