Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
