i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
