im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
