i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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