i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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