hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
