apparently the secret to your success is patron
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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