I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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