she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize