I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
