So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize