4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize